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I > ^ v

Translation: I am greater than the highs and lows.

It's Tuesday night and I don't usually write while my blood sugar is low, but I decided I would give it a shot (ha, nice pun there April). I've been in sort of a diabetes black hole lately - I feel like I put lots of work in, but nothing great has been coming out. In fact, if you really drill down to the basics of a chronic illness, that is about the best you can hope for. Ugh, it's so depressing sometimes. Even with the best of blood sugar control there's no guarantee you will escape the wrath of "complications".

And being low is just, well, it's just the worst.

Obviously, it makes me a little agitated - these words are proof. And frustrated, and emotional. I can't put sentences together well, my mental to-do list is wiped clean, and my attention absolutely diverts from task-at-hand to survival mode. My CGM is probably vibrating...annoyingly. And that constant out-of-body reminder is incredibly infuriating while the in-body symptoms are so, so present. I get it CGM, you want me to know I'm low, but how about I just throw you across the room right now hmmmkkk?

At the same time this attention seeking bandwidth hog is jumping up and down with a hand raised and shouting something like, "hey you dummy, look at me, completely ruining whatever moment you were having!!!" I am in a complete fog and gullible enough to bend to his wishes, because, I guess my life sort of depends on it. Wow, that was a long sentence, huh? Again, I am really straining against my brain's underlying consciousness which is simply repeating "food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food" right now, similar in frequency to my two-year old's "Moanna" broken record.

So, how did I get here, to this low blood sugar, now? I ate food and bolused for it. Honestly, it was that simple. And in my haste to deal with a whiny toddler who is on the back end of a little virus and, at the same time, prepare the 4-month-old's bottle, I counted the carbohydrates incorrectly. And therefore, administered too much insulin. Which was literally fine for a solid 2 hours, but then it all fell apart - my heart sank as I shifted my attention away from tucking my daughter into bed and instead focused on those double down arrows accompanied by a tanking blood sugar reading. By the time I got downstairs, I had disconnected my pump in a feeble attempt to stop exacerbating the problem, but it was too late. I was already staring down the barrel of a 58 mg/dL.

I rummaged through the refrigerator in search of carbohydrates. Thank god for kids, fo real. I mean,
what grown adult buys apple juice for consumption?

So, here I sit, apple juice in my tummy and an ever-so-slightly UP arrow on the CGM. I'm still frustrated that diabetes kicked me in the pants, again. And now, even though I need to clean the dishes and probably start some laundry, my energy is entirely zapped. Thanks for nothing bro.


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