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Normal Person Time

Ugh...tonight was horrible.

I'm already stressed to the max, and then I hear the "buzz, buzzzz" of the CGM, indicating a high blood sugar.

As much as I think, "I can conquer this disease" it still finds ways to bring me down and remind me who is boss. I just want a few hours of "NP" time, that's "normal person" time (a.k.a. "no problem" time in text lingo). I want a few hours free of the worry that comes from eating, the worry that comes with a site change, the worry that comes with exercising, the worry that comes with bad insulin or low batteries or running out of test strips or accidentally ripping out a CGM sensor or seeing the downward arrow in the middle of a meeting or forgetting glucose tablets or dealing with Diabetes totally alone.

I need some NP time real bad.

Maybe even more than all these constant worries is how a little D-related upset can impact my day-to-day interactions with co-workers, friends and family. I hate how much it upsets me sometimes, and I hate that others in my life have to deal with me dealing with IT. But it's hard to remain positive all the time when you feel that these little electronic devices filled with insulin and sensors and batteries are judging you constantly and needy, oh boy are they needy.

Can I deal with the "buzz, buzzzz"? Yes, most times I can. I reach for my pump and dial up the dose and move on. But sometimes it just really gets to me, I just want to throw it across the room and say, "If you think you're so good, you try predicting how much insulin to give for this meal!!!!" or "Yes, I see your downward arrow and red "LOW" sign, but I just ate 500 glucose tablets gosh darn it, will you just get off my back?!?!?!"

I'm not sure that anyone particularly likes all of these little "reminders" or little messages that require immediate attention, but we still sign up to get the newest ones, and take classes to learn how to implement them properly, and see A1c results that prove their usefulness.

But I could still use some NP time, furrealz. Just sayin'.

Comments

  1. When I had gestational diabetes I was chatting with my big sister and she said to just eat normal and not think about it, since I explained that it was pretty much a low carb healthy diet similar to what I ate before. I told her she didn't understand because it was like a video camera in your face with someone telling you to just act normal. The camera simply being there makes normal impossible.

    I think it's the same thing with diabetes, but every time you eat. It is always there in the back of your mind. Every time you look at a clock, or exercise, or feel a little sick, diabetes gets it's second of attention no matter what you are trying to do to avoid it.

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this trial. I hope robo-pancreatic cells make it out of experiments soon. I offer to you a heart felt, "Man, that sucks!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. NO DOUBT SISTER! Yes - a totall all caps moment.

    I think the amount of micromanaging we do in today's diabetes actually comes at a great cost to our sanity. Furrealz. :-)

    ReplyDelete

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