Skip to main content

A Post Where I Use the Word "Hoofty"


I may have mentioned my generally annoying bits of anxiety. And you may have noticed my general lack of blogging lately. They sort of go together, and this time I can correlate them to my entirely off-the-charts anxiety about ‘le wedding.

Let me clarify that…I’m NOT anxious about the actual marriage part, I’m anxious about the WEDDING part. 
There, I said it, hoofty, I feel better. Time to get my blogger street cred back, I know. 

Weddings are weird. Its not everyday you dress up in most definitely the fanciest dress you will ever wear, spend way too much money getting your hair 'did', and smooching on your man in front of a crowd the size of, well...a lot. But yet, you are persuaded into doing these things, culturally, on what many deem as "the most important day of your life". "What?!" I say. I don't look awesome in dresses, I rarely get my hair did because I am a little less than OK with random strangers touching my hair, and Chris will be the first to admit that I am not one for PDAs (public displays of affection, also known as the term in my high school rule book for "making out in the halls"). But here I am, sinking an overwhelming amount of energy into this 'thing', this 'wedding', where I will do precisely all the things I am so bad at doing. 

Besides all of these anxiety drivers, I am just downright nervous about everyone looking at me. Go ahead and say it, "It will be alright, April. You are the bride, everyone will think you look beautiful." You can say it a million more times, and yet my knees will still get shaky, my hands will still get clammy, and I will probably hear "Holy crap, everyone is going to be looking at YOU" way louder in my head than anything else you could audibly say to me. 

I'm also nervous I will forget something. Not like, "Oh no, I forgot to round the corners on the programs...GASP!" but more like, "S*^t, we forgot to buy wedding bands" (this particular thing will not happen, since we already have those, but I just feel like there is something big I am missing...maybe courage?...is that from Winnie the Pooh? Crap, tangent over.).

So here I am, 73 days out from "the most important day of my life", moping about my cold feet and generally wanting to skip over a lot of the pre-wedding requirements. I will say my anxiety has eased over the past week or two...I'm not sure why, but my money is on my near-vegan diet and a lot more "me" time. I guess even though it takes time and energy to plan a wedding, it shouldn't drive you to give up, no matter how finicky your anxiety is. While, I still think the whole thing is weird, it is only one day and hopefully Chris and I will have a lifetime to be happy together, just being our normal selves (no fancy dresses, makeup or structured PDAs required). 


Comments

  1. Awww! You will be OK. I'm not sure your wedding day is the most important day in your life, but make sure it's NOT the happiest day in your life. I remember telling Trey, "our happiest days happen after this one".

    I hated the whole "getting ready" part, as well. I went low after walking around in my dress for awhile (it's a lot of weight to carry around). Just keep your eyes on Chris the whole time, with that intentional look of "Can we leave yet?" ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. April--you are a very beautiful person, inside and out. The wedding day is just a day. The marriage is what matters. Your head and heart are in the right place. What you say/commit to each other that day is what ultimately matters. I agree with Holly when she says, "I'm not sure your wedding day is the most important day in your life..."
    Sending love and prayers.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Who has two thumbs and loves comments? Nerdy April!!! Type one out and hit publish!

Popular posts from this blog

The road to curing Type 1 Diabetes

From the moment of diagnosis, the road is rough, the learning curve is steep and the stakes are literally life or death. The map is less-than-helpful - paths originating from virtually every corner, coalescing at a center point (aka "diagnosis") and bursting back outwards - some paths cross and wrap around each other but others are isolated. And even with all of these roads, most of the territory is uncharted - how did we all get here and how will we all exit? Where are the obstacles we haven't found yet? Which passage holds the key to unlocking the solution?

On any given day I feel pretty isolated with this disease - I'm the only T1D in my group at work, the only one in mission control, the only one in my family. I go through the logistics of calling insurance companies, ordering supplies, changing sites and troubleshooting malfunctions mostly on my own. Even those pesky carbs really only get counted in my brain, no group think for a meal bolus here. But there is b…

On 20 years with Type 1 Diabetes

I think it's finally time to hit 'publish' on this post, considering it's been sitting here for, oh you know, like 2 weeks now ;-) Sometimes I "April" about things too much (this is Chris's term), and with my dad here for Christmas I realized that it's definitely a trait passed down, haha, love you dad!


To be honest, I never thought the day would come when I would say, "I've had Type 1 Diabetes for 20 years."

20 years ago a cure was 'just on the horizon' and as an 11 year old kid I took that phrase to heart - I had to. My continued existence was based solely on whatever the endocrinologist said - pancreas, insulin, autoimmune, blood sugar, islet cells, shots. I didn't know what I didn't know at that point. I had never heard of an insulin pump or glucose meter. Ketones and hyperglycemia were just big, meaningless words. Carb ratios and counting might as well have been formulas for travelling at light speed. I wasn't ov…

Type 1 Diabetes - IT life.

Nine years ago (9 years ago?!), I was still waiting for the black-box-doctors at the FAA to clear my Class III medical certificate - a requirement for my then-job flying on experimental Army helicopters. To 'pump' up my diabetes-dejected ego (ha), Dave let me tag along with him for his MH-47G proficiency simulator runs. That tiny taste into helicopter flight dynamics gave me so much appreciation for him - hovering is literally the.hardest.thing, I was tense the entire time and constantly felt like I was one small cyclic movement away from losing control. Even though I knew in the back of my mind we were in a (moving) simulator, my senses got lost in the weight of the flight controls, the movement on the screens, and the hard thumps when I hovered right into the ground.

At the end of the runs I asked him how he has the stamina to pilot this monster of a helicopter for literally 15 hours straight (these special ops versions can mid-air refuel). He sort of laughed, but his answer…
01 09 10