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Wanted to Buy: 1 Complete Paradigm Shift

Unfortunately, my life as a Type 1 Diabetic is all about being judged.

I am judged through those eyes that say, "You're a diabetic? Shouldn't have had all that sugar. Should have exercised more. Shouldn't be so fat."

I am judged by the companies that want to know if I am the right candidate for a continuous glucose monitor; shouldn't everyone with Type 1 Diabetes be a candidate for a CGM?

I am judged by the doctor who says, "Your weight is high. We need to work on that," without having any suggestions or offering help when I ask for it.

I am judged by the strangers who stare in restaurants when I load up the insulin pen, and God forbid, when I actually inject it.

I am judged by the pharmaceuticals as a life-long money tree.



But I have learned these last 12 years,
that the hardest judge to push aside,
the hardest judge to forget about,
the hardest judge to deal with,
is myself.

I judge myself when I see a high number, "Come on, April, can't you count carbs right?" I judge myself when I run out of test strips, "Come on April, can't you remember a simple thing like grabbing more strips?" I judge myself when the reading doesn't match how I'm feeling, "Come on April, can't you feel when you are going low?" And I judge myself absolutely every time something is not "just right." I hate having to react instead of prevent. I hate thinking of all the consequences...short term and long term. I hate being a burden to others when I have to run home and change my site or grab some test strips.

And unfortunately, these feelings, these ideals will not change any time soon unless there is a complete paradigm shift, unless people are educated, unless people are not scared of Diabetes, but rather understand it. I hate having to hide Diabetes just because it singles me out, it makes me "weird", it makes me "fat" or "lazy". I hate the lectures about complications and the "you-can't-eat-this" attitudes.

I hate having to "prove" that I can do it, that I can eat it, that I can calculate it, that I can inject it,
 that I will live through it.

Comments

  1. You sure will live through it and inspite of IT. Diabetes isn't who you are or what you are. You are a wonderful, bright, smart and beautiful person.

    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  2. April, You are an inspiration to us all. You have such faith in yourself that it makes the rest of us try to live better. Thanks. Dad.

    ReplyDelete

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