Skip to main content

Wanted to Buy: 1 Complete Paradigm Shift

Unfortunately, my life as a Type 1 Diabetic is all about being judged.

I am judged through those eyes that say, "You're a diabetic? Shouldn't have had all that sugar. Should have exercised more. Shouldn't be so fat."

I am judged by the companies that want to know if I am the right candidate for a continuous glucose monitor; shouldn't everyone with Type 1 Diabetes be a candidate for a CGM?

I am judged by the doctor who says, "Your weight is high. We need to work on that," without having any suggestions or offering help when I ask for it.

I am judged by the strangers who stare in restaurants when I load up the insulin pen, and God forbid, when I actually inject it.

I am judged by the pharmaceuticals as a life-long money tree.



But I have learned these last 12 years,
that the hardest judge to push aside,
the hardest judge to forget about,
the hardest judge to deal with,
is myself.

I judge myself when I see a high number, "Come on, April, can't you count carbs right?" I judge myself when I run out of test strips, "Come on April, can't you remember a simple thing like grabbing more strips?" I judge myself when the reading doesn't match how I'm feeling, "Come on April, can't you feel when you are going low?" And I judge myself absolutely every time something is not "just right." I hate having to react instead of prevent. I hate thinking of all the consequences...short term and long term. I hate being a burden to others when I have to run home and change my site or grab some test strips.

And unfortunately, these feelings, these ideals will not change any time soon unless there is a complete paradigm shift, unless people are educated, unless people are not scared of Diabetes, but rather understand it. I hate having to hide Diabetes just because it singles me out, it makes me "weird", it makes me "fat" or "lazy". I hate the lectures about complications and the "you-can't-eat-this" attitudes.

I hate having to "prove" that I can do it, that I can eat it, that I can calculate it, that I can inject it,
 that I will live through it.

Comments

  1. You sure will live through it and inspite of IT. Diabetes isn't who you are or what you are. You are a wonderful, bright, smart and beautiful person.

    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  2. April, You are an inspiration to us all. You have such faith in yourself that it makes the rest of us try to live better. Thanks. Dad.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Who has two thumbs and loves comments? Nerdy April!!! Type one out and hit publish!

Popular posts from this blog

The road to curing Type 1 Diabetes

From the moment of diagnosis, the road is rough, the learning curve is steep and the stakes are literally life or death. The map is less-than-helpful - paths originating from virtually every corner, coalescing at a center point (aka "diagnosis") and bursting back outwards - some paths cross and wrap around each other but others are isolated. And even with all of these roads, most of the territory is uncharted - how did we all get here and how will we all exit? Where are the obstacles we haven't found yet? Which passage holds the key to unlocking the solution?

On any given day I feel pretty isolated with this disease - I'm the only T1D in my group at work, the only one in mission control, the only one in my family. I go through the logistics of calling insurance companies, ordering supplies, changing sites and troubleshooting malfunctions mostly on my own. Even those pesky carbs really only get counted in my brain, no group think for a meal bolus here. But there is b…

On 20 years with Type 1 Diabetes

I think it's finally time to hit 'publish' on this post, considering it's been sitting here for, oh you know, like 2 weeks now ;-) Sometimes I "April" about things too much (this is Chris's term), and with my dad here for Christmas I realized that it's definitely a trait passed down, haha, love you dad!


To be honest, I never thought the day would come when I would say, "I've had Type 1 Diabetes for 20 years."

20 years ago a cure was 'just on the horizon' and as an 11 year old kid I took that phrase to heart - I had to. My continued existence was based solely on whatever the endocrinologist said - pancreas, insulin, autoimmune, blood sugar, islet cells, shots. I didn't know what I didn't know at that point. I had never heard of an insulin pump or glucose meter. Ketones and hyperglycemia were just big, meaningless words. Carb ratios and counting might as well have been formulas for travelling at light speed. I wasn't ov…

Type 1 Diabetes - IT life.

Nine years ago (9 years ago?!), I was still waiting for the black-box-doctors at the FAA to clear my Class III medical certificate - a requirement for my then-job flying on experimental Army helicopters. To 'pump' up my diabetes-dejected ego (ha), Dave let me tag along with him for his MH-47G proficiency simulator runs. That tiny taste into helicopter flight dynamics gave me so much appreciation for him - hovering is literally the.hardest.thing, I was tense the entire time and constantly felt like I was one small cyclic movement away from losing control. Even though I knew in the back of my mind we were in a (moving) simulator, my senses got lost in the weight of the flight controls, the movement on the screens, and the hard thumps when I hovered right into the ground.

At the end of the runs I asked him how he has the stamina to pilot this monster of a helicopter for literally 15 hours straight (these special ops versions can mid-air refuel). He sort of laughed, but his answer…
01 09 10