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Just when you think you are doing better....

The now-classic Waiting Room picture
Today, like most days I visit the Endocrinologist, I cried.

It was a build-up of sorts...first, I waited over an hour past my appointment time (grrrrrr) in a waiting room where I'm sure the person with the next closest age was at least 40 years older than me (am I in my "about to die" stage where I head over to the "Diabeeetttus" doctor?....stop thinking these things, April), then they didn't have any of those little things to stick in the A1c machine, meaning I didn't have one done (grrrr again, since I was thinking it may be down from last time), then I was basically told I am slowly dying, "So here's some cholesterol medication." Thanks douchebag, "Is there something else I can do....you know, more naturally?" "Nope, with the American diet today it would be extremely difficult." "Oh," I said, thinking to myself how I was going to go home and rip up the prescription paper. "And don't try to get pregnant while on it...you know, like 5 years from now." "Great", I thought, "I am definitely ripping up this prescription if I have to be on it the rest of my life." "Go get some more blood work in 4-6 weeks." Great, my favorite thing...blood work. Then I mentioned how much difficulty I have been having with reactions to the adhesive on my insulin pump sites...and he mentioned all of the things I have already tried, "Guess you should probably just go off the pump for a while." Again, thanks for giving up on me, that makes me feel awesome....

And after the teary-eyed walk back to my car, I just couldn't help it....I unlocked the car, fell into the driver's seat and pretty much bawled my eyes out. I was infuriated, humiliated, and just downright sad. And before I called the BF in mid-cry-fest-2011, I thought about how Diabetes doesn't just mean finger sticks and insulin pumps...it means, failure and guilt. It takes so much more than some quick carb counting and fancy number crunching...it takes tremendous amounts of courage and perseverance.

It's just so hard sometimes. And a lot of times it's hard in ways it shouldn't be.




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In a slightly un-related, yet slightly related topic, after the appointment I googled "How to be less emotional".....this guy's answer made me chuckle....

Comments

  1. Oh, April, I'm so sorry you had a bad appointment. Our endo definitely isn't the best one to go to for comfort and support. That's what you have the DOC (and me) for.

    But it would be nice to have a good doctor to open up to. I hate that you feel that you have no other options than him. I have heard of other good endos in the area, but they're in Decatur or Nashville.

    Sending virtual ((hugs)) to you. =(

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  2. Thanks Holly! I think Chris is going to "force" me to go to a doctor at Vanderbuilt...it just sucks that I would have to take off half a day of work just to go to the stinking doctor. Oh well, I am going to go back tomorrow for them to do an A1c...hopefully I won't have to wait 2 hours, haha ;-)

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  3. Well, between the drive to Vanderbuilt and the wait at the current endo's office, it might be about the same. ;-)

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  4. Hi April! We have all been there, so never ever feel alone. You're not a failure. Diabetes is a challenge, even on the best of days, and it's a pain in the ass. The doctors only see us for a fraction of the time we deal with diabetes, and I think they sometimes focus so hard on the tools and data surrounding diabetes that they forget about the hardest part...living with it. If you're not getting what YOU need out of any doctor (diabetes or otherwise), I'm a big fan of finding one who is a better fit. Not always easy, but always worth it when you find the right one. Hope your day gets better! =)

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  5. Maybe it's time to jump then? I couldn't imagine not having a supportive endo. I guess I am lucky.

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  6. Hey April. You just described all of the endo appointments I had from 2005 - 2008. Having a doctor that isn't willing to work with you (and, instead, just talks AT you) is so infuriating. I can't tell you how many appointments I postponed, cancelled, cried before, and cried after.

    Sending you happy thoughts, dude.
    Please know you're not alone.

    Is it possible to switch endo's? Or, would you consider seeing an internist in lieu of an endo? (That's what I resorted to doing - and it worked out better than I could have imagined - but that's me.)

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  7. Seriously, I would ditch that endo. Doesn't sound like he really cares about your best interest anyway. Sorry it was such a bad visit, but just remember, we've all been where you are. The DOC's a big shoulder to cry on and we offer lots of hugs. So ((((HUGS!)))

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  8. I feel you on the cholesterol med!! I am twenty. When I was 18, my diabetes doc (an internal med doctor at the time- the practice thought my control was "good enough to not need an endo" which was total bs... I'm finally wedged my way into an endo's office last year, thank goodness) said that my cholesterol was too high. She said "meds" and I said "I'm eighteen. You've gotta be kidding.". I said no to meds and made a big lifestyle change and completely cut red meat from my diet. The no red meat part is not ideal, of course... But my cholesterol is fine now, without meds... And that makes me happy!! It is definitely possible. It makes me sad that your doctor dismissed the possibility of cutting down cholesterol naturally, simply because he knows it may be challenging. Sounds to me like it is time to dump him if at all possible!!

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  9. This is when I'd be finding a new Endo, after telling off the current one. Some have no bedside manner, and this sounds like one of them. Don't worry, you're not a failure and we all go through this at some point. Just know tomorrow's another day, and you can reach for the stars (NASA analogy anyone?) and get there. Good luck! Oh, and hello by the way! Glad to meet another fellow D-blogger!

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  10. Oh no. What a terrible appointment!
    I'd cry, too.
    I agree with the above comments. Time to look for a new endo.

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  11. i'm with everyone else. i want to drop kick your endo for not being supportive and making you feel bad :( what a jerkface.
    we'll (the DOC) be here for you though :D

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  12. You guys are awesome! What a great pick-up after a really hard day. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

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