Monday, November 15, 2010

Commitment

I guess today's letter is "C"...although it hardly stands for "Cookie." 

These last few days have been hard, and I'm not sure why. I have had a hard time finding the motivation to do anything productive, much less blog. I have been down about the 'betes, stressed about school and work, cleaning like a mad woman, and discussing our conflicting plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas with the BF. I have let my commitment of blogging everyday in November slide, but not without guilt. Ironically, I have been contemplating this whole idea of commitment a lot lately. 

My parents always preached, "Don't commit to something unless you can do it 100 percent." I believe in their logic, and I try to practice it in my everyday life. Recently I had to turn down a slot in the Heritage Ringers (a community handbell choir here in Huntsville...by audition only) because I knew I could not commit 100% with my semi-crazy work schedule. I have also temporarily quit the Huntsville Concert Band in an attempt to spend a couple hours with the BF (he has been pulling late nights at school lately). And while I am able to chose and prioritize these commitments, there is one commitment I have no say in: Type 1 Diabetes. Unfortunately, he is always claiming that top priority slot, and many times pushes out other, more enjoyable commitments. He's kinda selfish. Sometimes just managing him takes so much energy that there just isn't any left for bell ringin' and clarinet blowin'. Not only that, but he takes energy away from family time, social time and the BF time. All this without even giving me a choice...just "wam-bam-thankyoumam-slapintheface" YOU GOT DIABEETUS. 

Honestly, Diabetes, it is hard for me to give you 100%, and that's ok. I didn't chose you, I didn't "commit" to you. But now, you have forced me to commit, to take care of myself, to watch over you like a child, to entertain you and feed your demands.

But its ok. My parents may have said that stuff about "commitment...100%...blahblahblah" ...but I focus more on the "One day at a time." I try my best. I give it my all, and some days it's just not 100%.